Top 10 reasons you became a Student Affairs professional...

10. It was either this or nuclear biophysics
9. You can't get enough self-reflection.
8. Newsprint and smelly makers are a great obsession
7. People bug you, but you are constantly fascinated by them
6. You believe the MBTI should be an organized religion.
5. The hours are flexible - you can work 80 hours a week anytime you want.
4. You thought "student affairs" was something sexual.
3. You enjoy the challenge of trying to tell people what you do for a living.
2. How else could you re-live college for the rest of your life?
1. To find out who you are, who you are going to love, and what that means anyway!

"You know you work in Student Affairs if..."

• You believe that all incoming students should come with a 30 day return guarantee which includes instant COD delivery to their parents.
• You find humor in other people's stupidity
• You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to only work nine months and have the whole summer free"
• You believe chocolate is a food group
• You can tell it is a full moon without looking outside
• You believe unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says "Boy, things sure are quiet around here today"
• When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strangers just to see how quickly you can discover their Myers-Briggs types.
• Your students couldn't tell you what you do but they know you get paid to do something for them.
• When explaining your job to other people you just give your title and assume that will be all the explanation they really wanted anyway.
• You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to "normal office hours"
• You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac
• You smile weakly, but want to choke a person when she/he says "Oh, you must have such fun everyday. It must be like playtime for you."

"How many Student Services people (and a few more) does it take to change a light bulb?"

VP's Office - What are the learning outcomes associated with changing that bulb?
Asst. VP's - and who do you think is going to pay for all these bulbs?
Financial Aid - File your FAFSA, then worry about it
Residence Life - You need to bring your own light bulbs, read your license agreement
Student Union - We'll have to charge you extra to change that bulb
Student Government - We'll pass a resolution recognizing the bulb is out, then it shall be out
Judicial Affairs - if you read the code we have 5 days to decide then 3 days to respond then 5 days to act
Student Support Services - some first generation students haven't even seen a light bulb
Admissions and Records - FERPA doesn't allow us to tell you that information
Prospective Students - Our light bulbs never burn out, it's perfect here, read the script
Legal Counsel - Well who bought those bulbs in the first place?
First Year Experience - At least two, and they need to feel like they matter
Disability Resource Center - According to the ADA that ceiling will have to be lowered
Greek Life - We don't change anything, it is always out, its tradition. Can we still have our party?
Career Services - one each from the MBTI personality types should work
Service Learning - Let's see who wants to volunteer for that job?
Transition Programs - no, really it's not too late you can still change it
Counseling Center - We would like to tell you but that's confidential
Tutoring program - we can teach anyone how to change it
Bookstore - we have bulbs with the logo on sale this week at 20% off
Graduate Students - oh sure you ask us to change light bulbs but forget us every other time
Assessment Office - We need to do a survey for that. It will take about 2 months to collect the data and analyze the results. We'll get back to you.
Strategic Planning - Within five years we won't even need light bulbs
Student Activities - we reserved ALL the light bulbs a long time ago
Mediation - everyone will have to agree with the changing process
Computing Services - If you had backed up your files, this wouldn't be a problem
Testing center - a high analytical score will determine the changer
Building & Grounds - we need a work order and an account number
The Student - It is just a light bulb, take it easy

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